I’ll never forget the first day we met.
You ridiculous nerd.
With your khaki pants and your leather jacket.
That Belt clip and gelled up hair
We talked a lot that night.
It was at her house. We don’t talk about her much anymore, although at one time, we did.
If there was anything I noticed about you, it was that you had a very pure heart. You were genuine. Damn, I had never met someone so genuine.
You must have seen something in me too, because you tell me all the time that you fell in love with me that night because I actually cared.
I can’t believe it’s been two years since then.
You have blossomed so much.
You aren’t the same person. You are completely different.
You dress like an American Eagle model 99 percent of the time, where the other one percent, you’re in your work clothes.
You used to never curse. Ever.
Now you have a sailor mouth.
You used to never drink. Now you drink as much as I do.
You used to be highly insecure.
Now you are extremely confident in yourself. (Sometimes too confident, I might add)
But through all these changes, these advancements, these…. Maturities.. One thing has always prevailed.
You have never stopped being who you are inside.
That genuinity has always remained.
The inner nerd is still there.
I always know I can ask you, “What kind of bird is that?”
And you can tell me.
I can always count on you to save me if I’m hurt or dying.
Your intelligence surpasses that of any other person I know.
Even though I don’t think you will ever learn the difference between your and you’re.
But that intelligence is attractive to me.
The fact that you can tell me things and show me things that I’ve never known… Never experienced.
I think that’s why we were friends for so long. I mean seriously you were my best friend. Over anyone else in our “group” which is what I call it.
Most of them were never really our friends.
But you were. You showed it differently though. You were never very vocal about it. You were always kind of withdrawn and inward about it.
I guess I understand now that it’s because you wanted more than that all along.
I’m so thankful that you waited for me though.
You have no idea how much I needed you for that year as a friend and nothing more.
I needed to go through all those things.. People… Phases… Feelings… Lack of feelings… Nothingness…
I had to go through it to get where I am today.
But you were there all along. Through all of it.
You listened to me even when it hurt you. You were there to watch my transformation. You never let me down.
And I hurt you. I hurt you bad. I straight fucked with your feelings, your trust, your heart. I hate myself for it some days.
But even though this is really no excuse… If I hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be together right now.
Because those 4 days that you wouldn’t talk to me… I have never cried so hard or felt so empty in my life. I was in a whole new level of depression. One that could only be fixed with your presence.
That’s how you know you can’t live without someone.
Then you forgave me. Just like you always do.
Everybody messes up, but to this day, I am so thankful that you chose me over them.
We have both sacrificed so much for each other.
But I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d do it all again.. As long as I knew you’d still be waiting for me in the end.
You take care of me. You know exactly what to say, how to touch, how to look at me, when to call.
You aren’t perfect. 90 percent of the time, you piss me the hell off and I want to punch you in the face.
But I know that if I did, you’d get mad, but you’d still love me and you wouldn’t leave.
I know because of all the times I have hit you.
I’ve thrown my car keys at you, I’ve smacked you in the face, I’ve bit you, I’ve kicked and pushed and been way too physical.
I never wanted to do that but that’s how you know we love each other.
We fight like an old married couple, but we are always fine a few minutes later.
You always accept me for who I am.
Even if your family hates me until the day I die, I will never stop trying for you.
It’s hard sometimes on the rough days. The sad days. The days when I’m literally forcing myself to get out of bed and walk out into the sunlight.
But you’re always there. You’re always there with a kind word and a gentle touch. You revive my soul when it’s in it’s darkest places.
You are my soulmate. If there is such a thing.
There is not a doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my earthly days with you and only you.
I will take care of you, no matter what comes our way. Just like I always have.
I will take care of our babies and raise them to be the good people this world needs.
But most of all, our love will always be my first priority.
This is my vow, man.
I’m sorry if it sucks.